Brave Notes: Always Remember You are Strong

Accepting you have depression is an act of fierce courage. Why? Because there are so many ideas and concepts around what depression is, or isn't. And when the full force of depression hits, the mind will co-opt around the reality of depression. 

When you have depression, the mind gets hooked into all kinds of distracting and conflicting ideas. At the same time, the insidious nature of depression plays havoc with your self-esteem. 

Always remember:  depression lies
you are not weak or broken
you are brave and strong

Depression does not define you. Depression is that elusive-come-intrusive shadow that can crash the party at any moment. It doesn't care if you are having a good day, or the worst day ever.  Time and again, I am lulled into a false sense of recovery, only to have my hopes shattered.  Not only is this hugely unsettling for me, but also for those closest to me. 

When I was first diagnosed with severe clinical depression, it felt like I was literally losing my mind.  Everything I thought I once was slipped away. People were shocked when I shared my news.  My words were met with disbelief. Why? Because apparently I didn't look depressed.  

Then as I shifted into my self-care plan, I started to brighten up.  The things I was implementing to bolster my health were having a beneficial effect.  I confused managing the symptoms with actually conquering this illness.  And when the full force of a depressive episode hit me, I felt utterly useless.

When I'm having a depressive episode, my mind loops over and over, with guilt, shame, self-blame and frustration. And it's these mood altering taunts of depression, which pull me into the black hole of negativity. 

With all my heart, I wish those close to me could see into the reality of those dark moments.  If this were possible they would see,  I'm not being negative, I'm actually scared.  Depression has come.  And even though it may seem otherwise, I'm doing my best.  But some days my best doesn't stand a chance.   

Telling the truth about depression isn't easy because before depression hit, I was a really positive person.  That's why I wrote this blog post, because depression doesn't discriminate, it can bring the most positive person down in a heartbeat.

I also wrote this because I wish for you to know dear reader, no matter what depression says, your true worth is immeasurable.  You are strong, beautiful and brave.  

I believe in you.  

Together we can get through this illness, one brave moment at a time.

Stay Strong